So I don’t know how many of you guys have heard that Jada Pinkett-Smith has started a show on Facebook called Red Table Talk which aired today, Monday, May 7, 2018 she does the show with her mom, Adrienne and her daughter Willow.
The very first show was geared toward motherhood. She gave us a little peak into her life by sharing with us an interview that she had with Sheree Fletcher who is the mother of Will’s very first child, Trey.
This show drew up tears and brought back so many memories of when my family dynamic changed as I went through a divorce my ex-husband. After he remarried, I can remember a particular incident where my ex-husband allowed his wife to take a role that I felt was out of bounds. There was a time where my son got sick at school and he went to the nurse at the school and they felt that he needed to be dismissed and go home. I was at work so my son called his dad and stepmom because they were actually closer to the school and his that stepmom often works from home. So at the time I did not know his her. At least I don’t believe I actually had met her at this point and they had been married probably a year at this point I’m not I can’t be exact. Anyway, they called her to pick up my son from school and take him home.
When I found out that my son was home and I asked him how did he get there and he told me that he was picked up from his stepmother I remember being very livid - like from 0 to 100 livid.
I felt that she should never have taken him out of school without my permission or me knowing!!!
So back to at the time I said I had not met her and I was not told that she was taking him out of school until he had actually got home and called me from the house. You may be wondering did I come for her? No, I went for my ex-husband. So here we have his father who knew what was going on. Never at any moment (that I can recall) had he taken the role of handling the children when they were sick at home or school. It was always my role and I would inform him if anything was wrong with the children. As his father is listed as an emergency contact as am I, but his wife was not listed as an emergency contact at the time they released him to her. So as you can imagine it didn't sit well with me at all. However I did not I actually did not come for her for this. I actually went for him. I am a protective mom I would say. In the world we live in nowadays and with the things that are going on you just never can be too sure if your children really safe where they are. So for me even though my son and daughter knew her that didn't provide enough trust for me to say it’s OK for her to do such an act without me knowing.
So unlike Jada who went directly to Sheree with their issues, I went for their father, I don’t know how he relayed the message of how I felt about this situation -- again my anger was not towards her. I'm sure she acted on the spirit of helping out, but he got the full from my lips. She didn’t know how I felt by my words but he knew! This situation prompted prompted a meeting between the three of us so that number 1 - I can meet her and number 2 - I can verbally express how I felt about this particular situation to the both of them.
Now it was already hard enough for me to see them together as at that time I did not want to be divorced. I did not file for divorce I did not initiate divorce so that was my first my first issue well maybe that was more like a second issue I don’t know I don’t know which came first the chicken or the egg but what I do know it was just a tough meeting for me all around. I felt like this was our child and if there was something wrong with either one of our children that we would converse and relay this to one another. To me, she was a third-party.
So at our meeting and he apologize not realizing that I was going to feel the way that I felt which I did accept his apology but I still had to let them know that it was not OK for her to take him out of school without me knowing and that was to never happen again. From that point it was up to me to except that she is now their stepmother but as far as I was concerned I am their mother who is alive who is well and who is capable of leaving her job if her child is sick and picking up her son. That it was not OK for them to fill the need to parent a child that I gave birth to without acknowledging that I am present and the main caregiver. So the meeting went pretty well I guess. There was no yelling no screaming no cussing out of any other parties we left with a good understanding that carried on throughout their adult years.
Another thing that was brought to the Red Table was how or when they started doing family holidays together. Another very touchy subject and honestly I don’t know why (well I kind of do know why) but.... let me say this. Christmas was always very family oriented with us even when my ex husband and I separated Christmas morning my children will not open their gifts unless we were both together. This went on for about 2 - 3 years. You could say I was a little selfish of that that time because my marriage actually ended two days before Christmas and so I thought it was hard enough to spend Christmas together after that and I felt like there was nothing that should be taken away from their memory of having family Christmas. To be honest I just didn’t feel like she had the right to be a part of that. Then things changed. My children got older and they develop a relationship with her and they wanted to include their stepmom and not take him away from her on Christmas.
So the problem with me was that me being in my feelings with their Christmas can’t be at my house then. I’m just being honest I felt like were not welcome in my home as a couple. ( I was in need of healing) I don’t know what her understanding of the dissolve of our marriage was but I just felt like having her here was a slap in my face for something that was still at that time difficult for me to handle and deal with.
If I can speak my truth I didn’t feel like he deserve to go on with life with another woman when he had a wife in front of him who wanted to be married to him who wanted to give him the things that they have built their marriage on. So to have her in my home, in my face, on a holiday that was grief stricken for me due to marital and family loss was essentially was out of the question.
A few years went by and now with my daughter getting older, married and developing her own family aside from our anuclear family. I had to except the decisions and changes that she wanted to start it within her own home. Therefore Christmas has now transitioned over to my daughters. What was hard for me I like having Christmas and my whole home. It was my comfort for the holiday. The children and I had started at tradition of wearing the same pajamas it was a pajama Christmas we all had the same pajamas. We kept them on pretty much all day as we made breakfast, opened gifts, watch movies, ate some more and that was just it was just what we did. So when my ex-husband and his wife came over naturally they didn’t look like us. I’m not sure if that made them uncomfortable and actually at the time I didn’t care. I just need it to be in a comfortable space.
Our first family Christmas really took me by surprise. So here I am in my feelings trying to cordial for the sake of our children and then they hand me a gift. Now you would have had to been a fly on the wall to see my facial expression when I was handed this gift. It took all the Jesus in me to do to best to not show how it made me feel like I was at unfair advantage. Now I understand the laws of gift giving. I know it’s better to give than receive but it caught me off guard and I’m not sure if it was done intentionally or not but it left me even more in my feelings. --------That feeling that I have there was just so off it was not like how how dare you like how could you give me a gift like I want to be mad at you right now I want to not have the Christmas spirit towards you right now and here you guys Actually had me a gift. And it was like if I do use obviously my ex-husband remember that I like to get my nails done so it was a gift card so it Hilla actually hand me a gift. And it was like if I do use obviously my ex-husband remember that I like to get my nails done so it was a gift card to a nailery. Not my Nailery but the less.
And so that became the moment there I had to come to terms with the fact that she wasn't at fault it had nothing to do with our marriage break up because she wasn’t the first person that he actually was with and I walked in once we broke up and so I could no longer hold against her on them for that situation. Now I will say this, I’m always saying something, we do not have that Jada and Sherry have now. We still do have Christmas together but it’s now at my daughters home and my son-in-law’s home and it’s a little bit different it has become easier over the years. OK so what does something now that the red table on to something else so then he started talking about motherhood and Jade is mom shared that she was married and had stayed at when she was still in high school and that her life was just like a trip at the time. And she talked about how I guess Jada and Sherry have now. We still do have Christmas together but it’s now at my daughters home and my son-in-law‘s home and it’s a little bit different it has become easier over the years. OK so what does something now that the red table on to something else so then he started talking about motherhood and Jade is mom shared that she was married and had Jaden when she was still in high school and that her life was just like a trip at the time. And she talked about how I guess he did She didn’t have the support of family dynamic that Jada and Willow currently have now.
Overall, I think Jada is on to something here with the show. I'm all here for it!
Let me know in the comments below what you thought about the . Have you seen the show?
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